Well, my great big family Christmas party has come and gone. It was a very nice evening that was over too quickly. I’m not sure if it is even possible to explain my family and all the stems, fingers, and leaves that make up our somewhat erratic family tree but just for fun I think I will try. After that I’ll explain the food situation and the fact that if I was a full fledged vegan, I would have starved to death. If after reading this, you understand who everyone is, than you are better than we are. Still to this day, at every Christmas Party, I look up and say, “Who is that?”
Our family is very large and sometimes people do not always make it. Newbies are placed at the end of all family photographs, that way if they don’t survive the cut they can be easily cut out of the photo. Laugh all you want but I have no doubt that we are not the only crazy family who partakes in this ritual. Grill King and I have been married for over 16 years. He is confident in this relationship because he finds himself somewhere in the center of the photo. If his position changes to the outer limits…well that’s the time to worry. For years, my mother had a photo of me on her refrigerator. She thought it was a good shot of me. However, there was an arm behind the back of my chair with no body attached. The missing body was that of an old boyfriend who never made it to the center of a photograph. A few snips with the scissors and my mom still had her photo. Never mind the bodiless arm! According to my mom : “Well, it’s such a nice picture of you and who’s going to notice an arm?” Oh, only EVERYONE !
Now, let’s begin. I’ll start with the three sisters which are my mom (Rachel), my Aunt Eleanor and my Aunt Sallie. By the way, my Aunt Sallie and my Aunt Eleanor were not happy with their photograph in my previous post. My Aunt Sallie said it was the worst picture ever of her and Aunt Eleanor wasn’t thrilled with the whole cleavage thing. Please note though that not many women in my family would be welcome at the small boob association meeting. So my point of view is be happy with what God gave you until you can afford to have it changed.
Aunt Sallie’s contribution to the family is the simplest. She married. She had two children. Those two children had children. She divorced a long time ago and decided that being single suited her much better than picking up after someone (can’t blame her there). Her contribution to the family is 7.
My Aunt Eleanor’s contribution to the family is a little more complicated. My Aunt Eleanor married and had two children. These two children (my cousins Stefanie and Steve) have since married and also have had children. Steve married a girl who already had one child. That child is now married and has three children. Steve and his wife have two children of their own. Stefanie and her husband also have two children. Their daughter has a boyfriend who has made it to the last two Christmas Parties. This year he walked out with some of the cash from the money game. Hence risking bodily harm! After two years, he is moving his way to the center of the photo. Stefanie’s husband is a very nice guy who comes from a very nice family. He is also secure because he is often in the middle of pictures. Once his security was established, his parents and sister started coming to the family Christmas party. His sister has two children and we have been friends since the 3rd grade. His mom and dad always bring great food and his dad smokes the best turkey you will have ever put in your mouth. I did not not have any this year for obvious reasons. Grill King ate 1/2 of one of the turkeys. There were three.
Now back to my Aunt Eleanor who divorced many many moons ago. She remarried a wonderful man who had three children. All three of these children have significant others and they all have children of there own. You keeping track here? Now, not only are his children nice and I guess they would be my step-cousins? but his ex wife is also a nice lady so she and her husband also come to the Christmas Party. So between my Aunt Eleanor, her husband, and their extensions, we have a contribution of 25. Usually about 4 of the 25 do not make it to the party due to living out of state.
Now on to my mother, who is to never be outdone by her sister Eleanor. My mother married my father. They had my sister and I. My sister and I each married and had two children. My sisters two girls are adopted from China. You would never know that because when they open their mouth it is all southern. Now, my sister and her husband divorced several years ago and my sister just remarried this year. How she managed to find the great guy that she did, I’ll never know. He too has worked his way inward from the outer limits of the photographs. He has four children. My sister and her new husband are now a family of 8. We call them the Brady Bunch. All 6 children range in age from 13 down to 10. Three of which are triplets. 5 girls and the youngest a boy.
My mother and my father divorced when I was young. Luckily for my sister and I, our parents knew how important they both were to our lives and they made sure that both of them were a big part of it. Also lucky for us, my mother ended up marrying my stepdad who has always treated us as one of his own. They have now been married for 31 years. To our family he brought 4 children. So, I have two stepbrothers and two stepsisters who have all married and have children. My Stepsister Kim who is no longer married brought her new boyfriend to the party. This was my first time meeting him and already he made a big impression because he actually read a post in my blog. My mom and stepdads contribution to the family is 30. However about 7 of those 30 usually do not make it to the Christmas party because they live out of state.
Now my Grandmother who was the greatest woman I have ever known had a sister named Eleanor. My Great Aunt Eleanor who was also a great woman, is not to be confused with my Aunt Eleanor. My Great Aunt Eleanor had two daughters (my mom’s first cousins). One makes it to the Christmas party every year. She is married, has two children, and one of them is married with two children. The other lives out of state and every once in a blue moon makes it to the party. She has two boys who are both married with children.
I think I should mention the fact that my mother also has a brother. My Uncle has always been married to the same lady. They have two boys who are both married with children of their own. They are never able to make the Christmas party because all of them live out of state. There are more of us but I think it’s time to stop. I am getting myself confused.
With such a huge family it’s amazing but no “intermingling” has ever occurred. We may be southern but we do draw the line somewhere. Ok, well that’s not exactly true. When I was researching my family history several years ago. I found out that my Great Great Grandparents on my mother’s side were cousins. Hmmmmm…maybe that’s the situation from which all of this has stemmed.
So our family Christmas party usually ranges somewhere between 40 – 60 people, depending on who shows up and who brings a guest. There are kids everywhere. It’s crazy. It’s loud. It’s wonderfully fun!
Now about the food. With all of those people, you would think that there might be one vegetarian/vegan in sight. NO CHANCE! I was the only one currently tiptoeing towards veganism. Eyes were all on me as if the carnivores were waiting on their chance to pounce if I took one bite of the oh so good smoked turkey. Thankfully I have not completed my journey towards veganism or I would have starved. Looking at the table, the only thing available for a true vegan was a fruit tray and some celery. Even the salad had cheese in it. I did not let this stress me but it was an interesting observation that if I plan on eating next year, I had better fix several dishes myself. I went ahead and ate all the glorious food except for the meat. I am sure that somewhere in a few of the items I ate, there was egg. If you remember, I gave up eggs about a month ago. I didn’t exactly see any eggs but I’m guessing they were hiding in something I ate. My Aunt Sallie again brought her homemade chocolate pie and swore to me that no egg went into the piece I ate.
My family are not the shy type. When there is a table of food around we do not stand around waiting for someone to first approach it. We are the first to approach it!
I stood back and watched my family fixing their plates with all the same foods that I had but their plates included things like ham, turkey, meatballs, chicken wings, sausage thingys and more. Then I watched them eat. Basically I would compare it to a pack of wolves who have just made their way into a rabbit burrow. There were hooves, beaks, and varmint pieces flying everywhere.
Grill King was in heaven eating as much meat as one could pack in for the evening. Which reminds me, I better check his pockets. He also received lots of attention and condolences from all my family members. It was as if his real wife had died and in her place stood a non-meat-eating-alien-vegan-monster. Yes, I should have brought some bark in a bowl! If I’m not careful though, I may find myself at the end of the photographs.
After the holidays I plan to take another step on the yellow brick road to veganland. I will be saying goodbye to most dairy. I am thinking I may allow myself coffee two mornings a week. You see my coffee is more like a dessert and consists of flavored coffeemate and whipcream. Once I get use to my other dairy being gone then I’ll work on the coffee thing.
The good news is I have 11 months before Thanksgiving and 12 months before the next family Christmas party. This gives me plenty of time to turn into a full fledged vegan alien who has a will made of steel and who will not cave even for her Aunt Sallie’s homemade chocolate pie. Aunt Sallie and I are going to have to get together and work on a vegan edition of her pie.
Check out the food below and try to find something a vegan can eat. Good luck. I should have taken a picture of the dessert table. Yes there was more food!
FOOD
MORE FOOD
Now for another picture of the three women from which this family stems (hopefully they will approve of this one). If not, I’ll hear about it.
Aunt Sallie, Aunt Eleanor, and Mom (Rachel)
Wishing you all A Merry Christmas. Hopefully you will get to enjoy your family as much as I get to enjoy mine!
Tiptoeing Towards Veganism 